Alive for the First Time

Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

This quote has floated around the internet repeatedly, and as such it's difficult for me to find a source to attribute it to.  Forgive me, and let me know if you know the source, I will add it immediately.

In any case, moving forward with the point of this post.  Every relationship I've been in, I spent some time thinking about this quote, because of all the various quotes on the subject of love (believe me, I used to collect them), this one always rang the most true to me.  It simply makes sense.  If a relationship is primarily taken up by need, then there is a constant push-pull between the partners, a delicate balance.  If, however, love, rather than need, is more dominant in the relationship, there is less tension.  There are fewer "I need you right now, please," "I can't, I'm busy" moments.  Or at least, that's what makes sense to me.  I can't say much from experience.  Or rather, I'd prefer not to try to generalize it.

For the past two years, since I've been in this particular relationship, I've spent a lot of time thinking about this concept of need vs. love in a relationship.  Interestingly enough, unlike all of my past relationships, this relationship, for me at least, began more out of need than out of love.  There was plenty of both (which could explain the intense emotional tension of that part of my life), but I needed it.  I needed things to work in one way or another.  And my selfishness, my neediness, is the only reason this relationship started the way it did.

So every time I went back to think about that quote, there was always some doubt.  I was never sure which was dominant: need or love?  Our lives have become so intertwined that it's difficult to pick out our purely pleasant, affectionate interactions from our supportive, necessary ones.  In light of this, it seems my brain has recently taken to ignoring this thought entirely.  I had no answer for the longest time, so I didn't think much about it.

But I have an answer, finally.  I realized something today.  I can do this on my own.  I don't need all of this.  Which is precisely the reason it's so wonderful.  I've finally come to terms with my own independence, and that answers for me the question of which is the dominant force in this relationship (from my perspective, anyway).  And that makes me very happy.  It also gives me one less thing to be completely and utterly confused about.  Which is good.