Smile tonight in this sacred light

I wanted to ask last night.  By last night I mean at almost five in the morning today. Okay, technically yesterday.  Whatever.  The day doesn't matter, and I think there's no question about that.  I asked something, because I wanted to know if you were purposely avoiding the topic or if it was just slipping your mind for one reason or another.  And you didn't exactly take it anywhere, so I'm left to assume that it's intentional, one way or another.

I don't know how much you do or don't think about it.  But I think about it often.  I think I will continue to do so for quite a while.  What baffles me is that I don't know your thoughts on the subject.  I don't know if you care or if you don't.  I don't even know if you think about it anymore.  Or if you ever really did.  I hate not being able to know your thoughts.  And I'm too restrained to ever ask.  If I couldn't do it at four in the morning, I certainly can't do it at a time when I'm more awake.

Yes, there are people on that list.  On any list you ask about, most likely.  If I say "not really," it probably means I at least have an idea in mind.  If I really don't know, I'll just say "no," outright, or I'll point out that it really isn't anything I've spent much time thinking about.  It's funny that this is what drives me back here after over a month, when it's surprisingly close to the thing that started me writing in the first place.

On that note, I know I've fallen off the face of the earth lately.  I've been busy.  Which I know has never been an acceptable excuse before, but it's the only one I've got.  Largely, I ran out of things to write.  All of my problems have been work-related or caused by my extreme workload, which isn't really worth blogging about. I blog about things that make me think or cause me distress in my personal life, and I've simply been too busy (or too stable, but we all know that's not possible) for any of that to be going on.  

So I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, in case anyone cares.  I'm sorry I've been awful about keeping in touch with anyone and everyone.  I'm sorry this post is so bad.  I'm sorry I'm so bad at keeping my life in order.  And I'm sorry I can't get certain things out of my head.  So there's that.