You be love and I'll be a liar

I was going to write about how much I hate you.  About how you made me want something I'll never be able to have.  How you took away my simplicity, my plainness.  How you made me want something, really really want something.  But it's been a long day.  And much as a novel can't change anything, it made me think a little bit.  Okay, more than a little bit.  And I'm still not sure how I feel about it on the whole, but such is life.  And I think I know exactly where my trepidation lies, but that's not the point of this anyway.

The point is, thank you.  Because you took away my simplicity and you made me want something.  Because I'd still be awful and arrogant and even more boring if I'd never broken the rules before I even knew the place.  So maybe I didn't really understand what I was getting into then, and maybe it's not at all how I live my life now, but it's still part of me.  And it's something I've set aside quite a bit recently (and not so recently, as well).

I know I've come to this conclusion before, but I'm coming at it from a different angle now--I need to find a different way to pursue this...this hunger, this craving, this need for excitement.  It's not that I can't have it.  I just need to find a different way to do it.  And staying up until 3 am will never help.  Neither will contemplating impossible situations (although there are some things I'll still think about, because I think there might be a hint of possibility...even if it is very small).  I have to find something new that excites me.

Okay, I've been saying that for a year now.  The question is--what do I do about it?  Well, the obvious, of course.  I look for it.  I get my ass outside every once in a while (no matter how cold it is) and do things in my free time instead of sitting around being bored or feeling sorry for myself or simply distracting myself the easy way.  But to do that, I have to have some things to do once I drag my ass out the door.  My ability to travel is limited, as is my budget.  And I do still need time to get things done, even on the weekends.

So this is my attempt at a preliminary list:

• Go for a walk (talk about taking the easy way out...but it's something I haven't done lately, so I think it's fair to include it)
• Visit places (museums, parks, small shops)
• Learn something new (how? what? where? cost? commitment?)
• Meet people? (not likely)

Okay, so that's not a terribly good list, but at least it's a start.  I should probably set up a more tangible method of keeping track of what I do or don't do, so that I actually do some of these things, because I know it would be good for me and all that.  

The biggest problem is that while it is good for me on the whole, it still lacks the adrenaline rush/excitement aspect, which is what I'm really after.  And to be fair, maybe just having plans for the weekend will be enough to satisfy the craving, but if it isn't, I'll need to figure out something else.  Regardless, I'm finally getting my lazy ass around to doing something tangible that's good for me, after meaning to for...god knows how many years.  So that makes today a good day in my book.