This should probably be some sort of obligatory New Years post. But I don't really know what to say. I 'reflected' yesterday, and that was quite enough for me. But I'm not really sure what else to write about. I just feel like throwing some words down. Although, I will start with something relevant to the occasion at hand: I feel good. Happy. I hope that holds for the rest of the year.
I wonder how much you've changed now that you accept "never mind" as an answer. Sometimes I'm thankful. Other times I wonder if you're not quite yourself anymore. Not the person who would relentlessly pursue an answer. You've become less curious. And I don't mean that as an insult at all. It's just a fact. And in all honesty, it makes me a little bit sad. Only a bit, but it does.
Oh, and, for the record (okay, mostly just because I want to write about it), my favorite memory from that place was that one night on the hill, behind the pond. It was dark and there were mosquitoes everywhere, and it was just us and them, and we hoped the blanket would keep the mosquitoes away but of course it didn't. And the four of us just spent a few hours back there, under the stars, laughing and joking and occasionally sharing a kiss. The next morning we were all covered in mosquito bites and nobody regretted a thing. Definitely one of my best memories. I'd have written about it earlier, but that was 2010 and so doesn't really belong in a reflection about 2011.
I'd say something about how I could relive that night over and over again, but I can't. I wouldn't want to. It was beautiful. And I was so happy, probably the first time I was that happy that year, and it was late May, which is saying something. It's one of those things, just like being in Chicago last December and living on the bed for three and a half days straight. 2010 had beautiful memories. And I would never, ever, ever go back to relive them because I'd notice things I didn't then. I'd see the things that weren't perfect, and it would ruin how I remember them. Because right now, looking back, those two memories were absolutely perfect.
So thank you. Thank you for having been there for the past two years (even if you didn't realize just how there you were for the first quarter of that). Thank you for memories that I will never, ever forget. Thank you for the stories we've told, the mischief we've pulled off, the terrors we've pulled each other through. No regrets.
Thank you for taking an interest in me two and a half years ago when I know I wasn't even half worthy of your attention. Thank you for taking that first walk with me two and a quarter years ago. Thank you for letting me help you two years ago. Thank you for kissing me a year and a half ago. Thank you for not letting me break you a year and a quarter ago. Thank you for pulling me out of my own hell ten months ago. Thank you for still being there in the morning eight months ago. Thank you for giving me the best summer I've ever had. Most of all, thank you for still being here, despite the brokenness, the twisted pieces, the odd and irrational scars.
I know people generally give thanks at a different time in the year. But I know I haven't remembered to thank you nearly often enough. So I'll do it now. Because I don't think there's anything better than starting a New Year happily in love and grateful for every moment.
I know I'm difficult. So thank you for still being there without trying to reshape the things that make me that way, but also define who I am. Thank you so much.
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