Return

There's a quote I've read before, about knowing people.  About wanting to know a person's hands, their skin, the shape their body takes.  It's clearly more eloquent than me, but that's not the point.  But I just got this feeling of wanting to know you.  Only I couldn't do it by running my hands over your skin.  Skin has relatively few stories, and I already know them all by heart.  It's the music that tells another story. Where there's only one song in the folder, that's what gives it away.  Albums are one thing, but when it's just one song, it says a lot more.

This writing bothers me.  I want to delete it, but I put a lot of thought into it, so I'm not going to.  I feel guilty because I put it into words.  There are some things I think and never write.  And I feel like this should be one of them, but for some reason I went and spilled it onto the screen before me anyway.  Life is a terribly sad creature, and I somehow can't get past that right now.  Blame it on the book, if you so desire.

I never feel more alive than when I'm at an extreme.  Either when something hurts so much it feels like it will never end or when I feel like I've conquered everything or, more realistically, conquered myself (it's quite a battle, I assure you...I put up quite the fight when it comes to facing my own self).

His writing makes me sad that I'm not someone else.  That I'll never have the perfect love story, even if it doesn't end well.  It's the kind of sadness that makes me happy in a very strange way.  It feels real in a way that nothing else does, sometimes even my own life.  I'm rambling, but at least I'm writing again.  On that note, I'm sorry I haven't been around; the last two weeks have been unreasonably busy, but now I'm back.  I'm even reading for pleasure, which is always a nice change.

Being here is always strange.  It always has the same effect these days and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.  Oddly enough, I feel more like myself here than I have the entire time I've been away.  Because when it comes down to it, I'm still the same person.  I still think the same way, even if I think about different things now.  This brings me back.  It makes me feel better because I still like being alone.  It gives me the chance to actually think about who I am instead of being so busy being me that I forget about what it is I'm actually doing with my life.