A little while ago (by which I mean a little more than a week), I wrote a certain Untitled Rant, raving in a selfish and not at all elegant fashion about how I haven't found myself. I was thinking back on this today and realized that I may have been slightly mistaken. No, let me correct myself: mistaken in a particular regard. Because while I haven't found myself in terms of identity and hobbies and personality traits, I'm starting to see signs that suggest that I have found myself in some ways.
I've stopped apologizing for myself. I've started refusing to be sorry about things I'm proud of or believe in strongly. Perhaps more significantly, I've realized that there are things I believe in strongly. I've stopped trying to be liked by everybody, because fuck that. I have better things to do with my life than care what people think.
Maybe I'm not as weak or feeble as I keep thinking or feeling like I am. I've started taking things in stride a bit better, so even though I still worry about just about everything, I'm generally able to push through it. I'm starting to think that maybe I'll be okay. And that really hasn't happened in a while. It's getting harder to throw me off my game. I think I'm approaching the point where it's nearly impossible to break me.
It's possible that it's just tonight, because I feel almost invincible. I feel grounded. Solid. Like I've finally put together enough of the pieces in a structurally sound enough foundation to keep it all functioning without extraneous support. I'll stop ranting now and end it simply, one sentence to express the entire point of this post:
Maybe I really am starting to get better.
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