I've had this page open with the title entered and everything for almost two days now. I'm still not sure where to start. I have a lot to say on the subject, but I'm not at all sure how to say it or where to begin, even. So I'm not going to think. I'm just going to write. And I feel like I might not be pleased with some of the things that come out, or maybe I'll be thrilled with the quality. But I guess we'll see, because this is something I'm fairly emotional about lately, and I really would like to write about it. So, without further pointless introduction, here goes nothing.
We changed. You changed and I changed and she changed and he changed and they changed and maybe we lost everything. Maybe she really fucked it up because she became a bitch and made some mistakes. Or maybe it's for the best, but I don't see it working out well, because we all know she has a history of messing up things that are good for her even, which this clearly isn't. That was awfully specific. And it's strange, because I had a completely different she in mind when I first wrote the second sentence in this paragraph, but I can't write about her. I'm not entirely sure why, but I just can't.
And in a way, that's changed too. I go back and forth in my thoughts about people, but especially about her. It's like I said before, I can't stop, because my curiosity won't let me. But you know, the strange thing is that she's changed too. Quite possibly more than the rest of us. And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing because I never knew her. Not really. I've known an awful lot about her for quite some time now, but I never actually knew her.
You've changed, too. You've become more cautious. On the whole, you've gotten better. You're happier, and that makes me happier. You're more mature, more responsible. You grew up, and it makes me glad to know that I could be a part of that, because you're doing really well right now. I just hope I'm not messing that up for you because I know I haven't been at my best lately.
And that brings me back to what I think I really should be writing about: me. This is something I use to reflect on myself, to sort out emotions and confusions and all sorts of other things. So while I'm sitting here rambling on about other people, maybe I should turn my attention elsewhere and really focus on myself. I've changed so much. Someone recently saw a photo of me from almost three years ago and said that it was like looking at a completely different person. And while I understand perfectly well that physical appearance isn't everything (not even close, really), it still says something that I've changed that much.
I keep leaving off after a paragraph and coming back again. I've given up on the idea of making this flow anymore and I just want to finish it now. I can't write for some reason, and maybe it's that I'm so tired or maybe it's something else getting in the way. I feel like I broke through some sort of wall when I started writing legitimate content, and then I had to do something else and it all came back up. And it's way too late at night right now for me to try breaking through it again.
So I'm sorry. I know I haven't blogged as much as I'd like to lately. And I know that this topic deserves a much better post, especially since I haven't really thought this one out at all. But I promise I'll try.
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