Time to shake the hands of fate

Fate:
Something that unavoidably befalls a person; fortune; lot.
The universal principle or ultimate agency by which the order of things is presumably prescribed; the decreed cause of events; time.
That which is inevitably predetermined; destiny.
A prophetic declaration of what must be.
Death, destruction, or ruin.

Depending on how you define it, I either don't believe in fate or I look forward to it.  Maybe it comes from how I was raised, but I've always been quite the believer in free will.  I don't think there is any defined future or way that things must go.  I think  that we determine what happens in our futures, that what happens next is not predestined in any way.

On the other hand, if we look at fate as "death, destruction, or ruin," that just makes me curious.  I'm not afraid of it.  I just want to see what happens.  I'm curious.  People are afraid of the end--both their own personal end as well as the end of the world.  But for some reason, this doesn't scare me.  I'm just curious about it.  I would be perfectly content to watch the world fall to pieces around me.

No matter how hard I try, I can never come up with anything I want to do before I die.  If I had to, I'd say something like jumping out of an airplane (preferably with a parachute).  But even that isn't something I really want to do.  I'm indifferent.  I'll be perfectly content if I never get the chance to do it.  I don't have a bucket list.  I don't think I understood that when you wrote it, but I get it now.  I've had most, if not all, of the experiences I want in my life.  I don't need to be married or have children or own my own house for happiness.

None of the simple pleasures beyond what I have or have had appeal to me.  And there is nothing extreme or extraordinary that I want to do or accomplish.  I could die at this moment with no regrets.  And that thought excites me.  I want to see the end of the world.  I want to watch everything fall to pieces.  The thought is absolutely exhilarating, if a bit morbid.

I think the end of the world will be beautiful.  Maybe it won't be poetic or dramatic or majestic.  But I think that the sheer chaos will be breathtaking and incredible.  And maybe in the moment I would be afraid, but I don't fear the outcome.  I am not afraid of being rejected by a deity I don't believe in and I am not afraid of my own conscience.

I want to see everything break.  Is that so wrong?