I think I've grown boring. Or maybe I've been boring all this time and only just now realized it. I used to pride myself on being unpredictable. I thought my smiles were mysterious, curious, tempting. I would look into my eyes in the mirror and wonder what people saw there, if they ever looked.
But see, maybe that's where I went wrong. I don't think anyone did ever look. And that, in and of itself, is my own fault. Because something you said really bothered me, mostly because it's so true. I isolate myself. I'm not sure how to not isolate myself anymore. It's just so easy. I'm quiet. I always have been. And a little bit afraid of people. So I don't start conversations, and I look up when someone is about to sit down next to me and apparently I look evil or terrifying or something, so they move on and sit elsewhere.
I don't have a genuine smile for when someone tries to sit down and I don't have anything to talk to them about. If I have nothing to say, I don't start a conversation. Especially when I'm deep in thought, I don't want to make small-talk about the weather or about this person's career when I doubt I will ever see them again.
And I think that getting to know me is the same way. I have my stories. I have my quirks. But once you get past them...that's it. There's nothing left. I don't radically change or grow. My personality is not dynamic or infinite or exciting. I'm a workaholic. I like reading but hardly ever do it. I'm nostalgic and dip in and out of depression. I get obsessed with all sorts of things, but especially with people. I have great hopes and expectations but never the initiative to accomplish these things. I rarely start or stop things, but tend to go with what other people want to do.
That's me in a nutshell. You don't need to say anything else. That covers everything and anything you'd ever want to know. So yes, I get boring. It doesn't take particularly much discovery to learn everything there is. What else can I do with myself?
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