I should never be allowed to reread old chat logs. It's just bad for me. To be fair, I was looking for something specific this time around. And found it, eventually. It's just that in the process, I uncovered a number of other things that I may have been much better off not going back to. On the one hand, that is.
On the other hand, it's a good thing to remember where I've been. It doesn't sting as much anymore because it's so clearly in the past. Maybe not eternally, probably not, in fact. We'll hurt each other plenty in the future, but it hasn't been nearly as bad. We've managed to calm down significantly since the last time that happened. Which is good. It scares me sometimes, remembering those nights, wondering about what could have happened but didn't, or what did, or what could happen in the future.
That's probably the most frightening part of all. The future. What could happen. How things could fall apart. Who could get hurt. And when. And how. I'm not sure what else to say. There are a few things on my mind but none of them really pertain anymore. I guess the point of this post was to express my concern. Or maybe reflect on this morning's rereading of various things.
Either way, that's been covered now. I lost whatever spark I had that made me start writing this earlier, so I guess that'll be the end of this post. Apologies for being so anti-climactic.
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