Apologies

Why do the apologies hurt more than the events from which they stem?  That was my thought a couple of hours ago.  Because the actuality really hadn't bothered me much at all, it stung a bit, but only a very little bit.  The thing that really hurt was the apology for it.  I don't know why.  I rather wish I understood, because it would be nice to be able to make some amount of sense out of it.  It doesn't make sense to me, although I'd generally like to understand.

But now there are things nagging at my mind.  Things other than bygone hurts and apologies that stopped affecting me hours ago.  I'm afraid of what is going to happen with respect to something in the near future.  I'm fine though.  I will be fine.  It's one of those nagging feelings that will come to pass, I know, but that doesn't stop it from bothering me this little bit.  Deep breaths.  I'm trying to calm down over it.  And I know that in the end, I will be fine. 

I think I've gotten better recently at dealing with problems and intermediate issues.  I've calmed down about things, especially when they're not final, and I'm learning to take things in stride instead of letting them throw me entirely.  This isn't so much me rationalizing as it is me trying to make sense of it all and relax.  I've also learned to start acting, to explain circumstances, to make sense of things before I panic.

That's what I've done now.  So I'm calm.  Rather exhausted just because of how this week as a whole has been, but regardless, doing fairly well.  I'm figuring things out, making them work, generally coming to a reasonable point and comfort with my life as it stands.  That's good.

I'm sorry.  I know this post has rambled to no end and had absolutely no coherence whatsoever, but it's all I've got right now, tired and scatterbrained and all.  There are probably errors galore scattered throughout this post that I haven't noticed, and at this point, I'm not in the mood to go back through.  Anyhow, I'm just going to post this before I ramble some more and leave it at that.  Good night.  Hopefully I'll make more sense tomorrow.  Or something.