Frustration

So of course, when I finished going through the more recent past in events of which I wasn't fully aware, I had to go back through my own past of two years ago and try to come to terms with all of that again.  Needless to say, that is, at least for me, a very messy process.  I don't really know what to think of all of it, I don't know what to say or do.  I'm confused, and it's vaguely frustrating.  More than vaguely.

I don't want to say much on it at this point.  I thought I was smart, was so goddamn brilliant and intelligent and wonderful.  I thought I had everything figured out and made sense of and I was carrying myself around arrogantly and pretentiously as though I was the best thing that had ever happened in this whole goddamn world. 

I know better than that now.  But I only know it that way because I messed everything up in being foolish as I was and trying to be superior.  I messed up.  I messed so much up.  And I really shouldn't go through any of this right now.  I shouldn't write anything, I shouldn't look at any of it.  But here I am, my insatiable curiosity pushing me to do so anyway.

I give up on this writing.  I'm done.