Blatantly ripping off the title of this post. Like blatantly, obviously, cruelly stealing it. Shut up, it fits particularly well for what I have to say. Anyhow, I'll give credit where credit is due: this is where I'm stealing from. I really do wish I could come up with a better title for this, but really...this fits better than anything I can think of, so instead of trying to be creative (me? creative? what the hell?), I'm just going to steal it anyway and write this introductory paragraph apologizing. If you want the link removed for whatever reason, just let me know, you know how to reach me. Moving on to actual content now...
So it's the 31st of December...again. It's odd because I almost feel like I'm writing the same post twice, because it's probably going to be fairly similar to this one. Except it's not. Because a lot has changed in a year. Hell, I think even my writing style has changed significantly enough to indicate the changes I've undergone. So I think now is the time I reflect on 2010, even though I did this in a way a couple of days ago. I still like a permanent record of this on my blog, though. So here goes nothing.
Arguably, this has been a very good year. I've gotten better. Well, I guess I could say that I got worse, then I got better. But it's what happened in the end that matters, right? Arguably, yes. I've caused a lot of pain, drained a lot of blood (literally and metaphorically). I've been to hell and back, and there have been days when I just wanted to disappear. But that happens every year, so I can't use that as a defining analysis of the year. I want to say it's been a good year because the end has been good, but that really isn't much of a guarantee of anything.
It's going to be the start of a new year now. It's not really that significant because it's only an artificial break for the artificial concept of time. But it is what it is. And I might as well use it for something significant while I can. For once, I actually made a resolution. One that I don't honestly expect myself to keep, not for more than half the year anyway. That's a sad thought, but it's me being a realist.
The reason this title is so fitting though, so appropriate, is that it's true. In a way, I'm starting 2011 the same way I start every year, looking forward, hoping it's better than the last year was (although it's hard for me to imagine that), working to improve myself, trying to be happier. In that way, it's an old beginning. This is how every year has begun for me since I've been old enough to hope for change. At the same time though, I don't want this year to end. For the first time since I can really remember, I don't want to completely move into something else, I don't want to turn my back on everything that's happened. And in that way, it's a new ending for me, a particularly bittersweet one at that.
I don't really know what more to say here. I seem to run into that issue a lot when reflecting on things. So here I am again, having hit a dead spot. I could write about something else, but everything else really seems to fall outside the scope of this post. I guess this is where I wrap it up, then. I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt in this past year, I'm sorry for all of the mistakes I've made and for all of the pain I've caused.
I wish all reading this (and all those not, as well) a Happy New Year, and a fresh start, if that's what you're after, or a continuation of the happiness you may have found. I hope everyone gets what they're looking for out of this artificial transition of time and date, uses it to make any commitments they need to or establish new goals. I hope everyone finds happiness in one way or another, be it in stability or in change, in ways they expected or ways that take them completely by surprise. I wish you all the best. Enjoy the last few hours of 2010 and have a wonderful 2011. Goodbye until next year.
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