2009

This is probably going to be a long post...just saying. It's the last day of the year. Everything is quiet, and everyone has been writing notes on facebook about the past year and decade. So I guess that now it's my turn. And yes, I could easily write this in a facebook note and tag friends and people involved and hell knows what else. But I'm not going to. Because I've always been that quieter one, who reads everyone else's note but never writes their own...even as I compose it in my mind. So here goes nothing.

2009 has been crazy. It has been a year of infinite changes. And a lot of firsts. I mean a lot of firsts. But let's not linger on that too long. So many things have happened. I can't even believe it. I've done things I never thought I would and pushed myself to limits I could never have imagined. I have fallen deeper than I thought possible, and risen higher above myself than I could have foreseen. But I've made so many mistakes. I can't undo what happened, I can't go back to the past. What's done is done, what's happened has happened. And now I have to live with it.

In the next year, I will have to change things. No, not that I will have to, but I will. I am not going to let myself make the same mistakes I did in the past year. So many memories are flying through my head...so many moments that I remember so clearly. I've been hurt, and I've overcome it. I've moved on with my life and been willing to leave some things, and people, behind. Sometimes I wish I could have some of that back, or change things...but I know I can't.

I'm here for a fresh start. I'm willing to let go of the past and look forward to the future, because I know that I can't keep reliving these moments, pushing myself into depression. I want to be able to move forward with my life. And in order to do that, I need to talk to someone, I need to be able to tell the full story, the missing piece that nobody but me has known. I know this. So I've made the commitment to tell someone this story. In this new year, perhaps the only resolution that I will make is that I will talk about what happened, tell the truth...and accept it, and move and and allow myself to grow from it.

This has actually been shorter than I thought it would be, but I guess I've still left pieces out. That's okay though. I covered everything I needed to in terms of the past year and what I need to do in the future. Or rather, in what will tomorrow be the present. So that is how it will go. To all I know and love: Happy New Year!! May all the best come to you with this fresh start, and may you be happy and healthy as you can be. In eleven hours, I will say to all of you: welcome to 2010!