I Feel Better Now

I don't know what it is, but today is a better day. Maybe it's because I finally slept well for the first time in hell knows how long, or because I actually managed to wake up and fall asleep again, which I rarely manage to do. I don't know, and it really doesn't matter. For once, I'm not upset, angry, suffering with a headache, or cursing the world in general. I'm actually almost...dare I say it...excited for what comes next.

Maybe this has something to do with the fact that the year (and the decade) is ending, or maybe it doesn't. Whatever it is, for once, I can open my eyes and look around me without wanting to cry or cringe or lie down and not get up. I'll admit, lately, that's all I've been. Spending too much time alone and not wanting company leads to a depressed me struggling to get through everything and fighting against emotion. But today it's different. I'm not fighting anymore. I don't recall having made a conscious discussion to just let go and relax a bit, but I think I have.

So here I am, breathing in the smell of a candle. Certainly, life isn't perfect. But it's alright. If only for one brief day, I'm enjoying my life the way it is without making demands or wishing for the impossible. Even sorrowful moments have turned into more level, fascinating ones that I can approach from a different angle. This is one of those days that really makes me believe that everything truly will be alright, no matter what happens between now and then.

Life is short, and there are so many things we can be doing. The great part is, I don't have to be doing pretty much anything to be happy. I can sit back on the couch and stare off into space, thinking, and still be happy. I don't need to try food of every cuisine, visit every place on earth, read every book, or meet every person. Some of those could be nice, but they're not what ultimately determines my happiness. While I'm still in this contented, relaxed mood, I think I will go and make good use of my time by reading a book...not because I have to or I can, but because I want to. Here's to taking a deep breath and making the most of today!