Why I Don't...

start conversations: Because I don't know if you want me to talk to you or not. I'm almost always willing to carry on a conversation with someone, or anyone for that matter, as long as they want to talk to me. Sometimes it's because I worry that I don't have enough to say, and I don't want to start a conversation that will lapse into pauses and "so...what now?" sequences in a matter of minutes. Then again, sometimes I'm afraid that whoever I want to talk to is busy. Or, if I want to talk about something specific in my life, I don't want to burden someone else who may be having no easier a day than I am.

say more in company: Because I'm the person who loves to sit and listen. I either don't have anything relevant or interesting to add, or I'm interested enough in what is being said around me that I don't feel as though I need to add anything. And sometimes, of course, I'm just too tired, or my thoughts are somewhere else, or I don't want to ruin the pleasant mood. So I just hold my tongue.

pick up the phone: Because I don't like the phone. It's the worst of face-to-face and internet conversation--you don't see each other, but you're also assumed to be entirely committed to the conversation. Or I may just be avoiding people that day. Here's a novel idea--maybe I just didn't hear it ringing, or I had it off. In general, the phone is a good way to reach me for quick information or to make plans...NOT to have extensive conversations.

see a psychologist: Because I feel stable enough in my cognitive and emotional abilities to manage my life on my own. And because I don't want to burden yet another person, especially one who has no personal connection to me and only a professional one, with my issues. I talk to my friends when I need to, or I write long, often senseless rants. That's how I deal with what happens in my life, and I'm just fine without a psychologist, thank you.

tell most people the truth about things: Because I have trust issues. Also, because most people don't need to know a damned thing about my personal life in order to get along with me. The way I see it, the fewer people know things about me that I consider to really matter, the better. That way, my close friends are closer and nobody else even stands half a chance at hurting me. It works well.

bitch people out: Because I'd rather hurt myself than others. No matter how much hell my ex may have put me through, or how many lies I've gone through, I'm not about to bitch in that direction. I also realize that it would do largely no good. It would fuel the fire, increase tensions, and add even more headache and stress to many people for whom that is the last thing they need. I'd rather keep my grievances to myself then, rather than adding to them.

write this post like my normal ones: Because I didn't feel like it. I decided to try something new, something not as conventional as my standard paragraphs. Maybe I'll do more "creative" or "different" posts more often from now on...I don't know. I don't think the language of this one flows as well as I like, but at the same time, it's brief, to the point, and certainly not standard. Variety is the spice of life after all, is it not?