Change

Before I start the inevitably ranting post that will come out of my current thoughts, I will say this much:

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! To everyone I know and love, I want to wish you the very best that this holiday season may bring. May you and your loved ones be happy and healthy for the rest of your lives. I hope that all of your wishes come true and every moment is made of pure joy!

Alright, with the obligatory and heartfelt holiday greeting now out of the way, I can begin actually writing what I meant to write. And there's obviously a reason this post is called 'change.' No, it's not because I'm coming up with a list of New Year's resolutions--I haven't done that in years, and that tends to not work. It's because I was looking through some old photos of myself today. Even though I know that in most of those, the smile was fake and the emotions of my mind were quite different from how it appears, I can't help but remember just how different everything was then.

Some of the best photos are from two or three years ago--I'm happier, definitely healthier (although you can't tell that by the photos), and definitely look better. For the past year and a half, but especially recently, I've been getting too caught up and carried away in all the trivial matters of life and letting my health--mental, emotional, and physical slip away. Right now my focus is on the latter of the three, just because of how much I can see and feel it in every single thing I do. So it's time to change.

I can't just keep living like this--binge eating and reaching for the fridge whenever I'm bored, confused, or desirous of avoiding work. And I really do need to start exercising again. The problem with that being that in this freezing weather, I am not about to go outside to run, as much as I may want to. So I need to start doing the exercises I learned long ago when I was still an athlete, because the shape I'm in right now is absolutely atrocious, especially considering the shape I was in four years ago.

Of course, physical health is tied into emotional health, too. There you can see more changes to be made. Maybe, once I get back into a normal routine after these holidays (which I am rather annoyed at for throwing it all off), I'll finally be able to kick my habit of spider solitaire or stumbleupon to relieve boredom or avoid work. Maybe I'll actually will myself to meditate again. It all sounds so good right now...and at the same time so unrealistic. I've lost weight before, but it wasn't this much. And I definitely had more liberty with my time and mental resources then, too. So I guess I'll start by learning to manage my stress. I have seventeen days to figure out just how I'm going to do this. But I promise you, I will make that change and get back to what I used to have.