Ups and Downs

Maybe I was right...or was I wrong? I don't know what exactly my thoughts have been in the past several days, and I'm not going to try figuring them out. I guess all I really needed right now were people. People to talk to, to relate with. At the same time as I was avoiding human contact, I think it may have been exactly what I needed. But on the plus side, I do feel better now. I don't feel like melting into the earth for the first time in a week. Yes, there are still many things weighing on me, there are many problems that I have yet to resolve and burdens I have yet to carry, but I think I've finally been able to take a deep breath. It's getting better.

I'm beginning to realize that life goes in cycles...we all have ups and downs, things get better and they get worse. If we hold on for long enough, we'll get through it, no matter how hard holding on may be. It's one of those things you can keep telling yourself and really believing fully when happy, but at the same time, it is most impossible to believe when you really need to...when you're falling apart and ready to crumble. Am I strong for being able to hold on? Or am I weak for needing to cling instead of balancing nimbly? Does it matter? Well, I know the answer to that last question...of course not. But that's okay. It may affect the way I live my life, but not to the extent of really disrupting it, or at least I don't think so.

In the end, it all works out. Maybe not in the way we wanted it to or the way we thought it would or the way we hoped, but it does work out somehow. I've said it before and I'll say it again, because I really believe it. Sometimes we suck it up and deal, and other times we can ride high on the wave of life that we enjoy. That's just how it works. I largely live my life the way a taoist does...what happens happens. Simple. Life goes on, things happen, the world changes; it doesn't have to be for an ultimate purpose nor does it need to have a tremendous effect on anything else. It really is nice to finally be able to breathe though, even though tomorrow is Monday again.