Breath

I want to spend a long summer night outside, ignoring the bugs, not caring about the sweat making everything stick together, forgetting what time it was or that anything at all needed to be.  I want it to be one of those nights that you look back on and remember because it's not like everything else but it's magical and mystical and doesn't fit in with the rest of your life.  One of those nights that needed to happen to remind you of where you've been and where you are and where you're going.  A chance to remember how to forget.

I just want to be there with a flashlight in hand because it's finally too dark and just read that novel to you and know that you're there and that you're listening and that all that matters in that moment is the moment itself, more than just me or you or us or the words or the sounds or the air around us.  I don't know why but I want to, because that book cuts so close to home and makes me laugh and makes me cry.  And I want to share the laughing and the crying and the reading with you because I want it to be a secret between us.  Just the moment and madness and the sky.

Maybe it will happen one day and maybe it won't.  But more than anything, I want to share that with you, I want to share myself with you and the moments that define my life.  I want to know you're there next to me, even if the only indication is your breath, because I don't want to ever forget a moment of this.  I want to spend as many nights as possible with you so that I always have something to look back on, some night to remember that couldn't have been better if I'd imagined it.  And I want as many of those nights with you as I can get.

So maybe it is all just ridiculous and insane.  Maybe my mind has just lost some of its precision from being away from human contact for so long and my inner romantic is getting the better of my mind.  It doesn't make the slightest difference to me where the thought came from or what it may or may not lead to.  What does matter is that I love you.  And nothing makes me happier than being with you and knowing that you're happy, healthy, and safe.  Any night of that is worth more to me than all the perfect nights the world can devise.