Tentative

I have plans for a part of this weekend.  Yes, me, believe it or not, I actually have plans.  Not just plans to make plans, but actual plans, ones that involve going places and seeing people and doing things.  I'm amazed.  Then again, I'm not the one who put them together, which probably explains why something actually got planned...But that's okay, so long as it did.  

Maybe I'm just a little too uptight right now, or maybe something else is a mess in my mind, but it feels like these plans are hanging by a thread, as if when I say a single word, the spell will break and everything will fall apart.  And, in case you couldn't tell, I really don't want it to.  I want these plans to work because they at least reassure me that the world still exists, that I am still capable of communication, that we haven't been conquered by an alien species yet.  I'm not sure how exactly the last one fits, but I assure you it does.

I want this to work.  And by this I mean more than just tomorrow.  I mean the rest of that and the few weeks it will undoubtedly take for things to return to normalcy and the day after tomorrow because my mind is reeling in a state of oh-my-god-what-if scenarios that end in tragedy for no reason at all.  All of this jumping around and changing and alternating and not knowing what happens next nonsense has not been good for my sanity.  That's the simplest way to look at it.

At this point I'm just sitting here running through the details (not that many of them exist) in my head, hoping nobody gets too angry with me and wondering how long it's going to take for one thing or another to fail or fall apart.  I'm anxious, nervous, frustrated.  I just want things to get back to normal.  And I know it's going to take some time.  So the best I can do right now is sit tight, enjoy myself as much as possible, and wait it out.