Anticipation

This is one of those moments when I find myself sitting here and simply wondering what happens next. The day is gone, the night has come, and I find myself still in a moment, merely watching the world again. What do I have to look forward to the future? What have I gained from that which has now come to pass?

I'm calm yet anxious. My thoughts are calm but my emotions are in turmoil. And I'm not entirely certain why. So here I sit. I watch the world around me. I once again allow things to merely come to me. I have given up the reigns to my life, allowed time and chance to control my future. But this time there is no panic, there is no fear. I am in a moment when virtually nothing can unfold to significantly affect my life.

For the next hour or so, the world can pass as it may. I can finally rest from action. I can sit back and relax. So why is my jaw so tense? I feel my muscles clenching with nerves, despite the complete conscious realization that it doesn't matter. Perhaps it is merely that I am too tired to significantly act. Perhaps it is a matter of sheer confusion.

I don't really know what's going on around me right now. The world is a blur, and everything is fuzzy around me. As much as I want the day to end and allow me respite from these emotions, I am lacking in any amount of desire to let this inaction pass. I hear voices around me, see actions taking place. But I am not a part of it. It is at the same time calming and unnerving. It is, on the whole, an entirely fascinating situation to observe, and I will leave it to be no more than that.