Island

I sit here, surrounded by people, watching them coming in and out, moving around me, talking and laughing. And I am alone. In the middle of the chaos, I am an island of calm. I can't be touched, can't be affected about what surrounds me. I've made a stronghold of silence and indifference for myself. I can play this game no worse than anybody else, so I do. Nothing can get through my silence to the thoughts brooding within.

It's rather ironic, though. Even as I realize that I should make more friends, have more conversations, discuss things with more people, I work to cut some individuals out of my life. I've lost any desire I may ever have had to deal with anyone or anything. I listen and I talk, just the same as I always have. I remember how to appropriately react to phrases and statements, but none of it matters. It all goes in one ear and out the other.

So even as information enters my mind, it leaves it as well. And I remain as I was before, entirely unaffected by everything that takes place around me. People, events, facts all pass by unseen. They don't matter to me. The only things that matter are the thoughts I'm lost in, and even those tend to revolve around consequences and mistakes. Everything from the past has come back to me, and I'm stuck here trying to pay for it.

Some may say that I live in the past, others may claim that it is a wishful or hopeless attempt at ignoring the world. Whatever it is doesn't make any particular difference to me. Call it what you may, tell me what you will. If it isn't clear yet, I don't care. I've had two people try to convince me of my worth, and the outcome of it has been less than impressive. Why? Because it's all nonsense. Every phrase said as to my helpfulness or pleasant composure in company is nothing more than an attempt to improve my mood. I may put up with it, but that doesn't mean I don't see right through it. Which is why it is easier for me to simply remain my own island, entirely separate from the rest of the world.