Enthusiasm

I have trouble getting up excitement for various things.  Namely, the future.  And large groups of people.  And instructions.  And introductions.  And repetitions of things I've known for years.  And pointless directions.  But that is precisely what lies in the future for me.  The only way I can look at it right now is as something that I have to survive.  Something I have to live through and get over, and hate for every minute.

The thing is, though, I don't want to hate every minute of it.  I want to meet people and enjoy company and have a pleasant time without consistently being distracted by things I'd rather be doing...or talking to, as the case may be.  The thing is, I'm tired of being the exception to everything and having to figure out every single thing by hand, by going through ten different people just to get the answer to a single question because it's not a standard request.

So please, excuse me while all of this individuality and independence that you spent years lecturing me about and forcing me into gets a chance to smother itself again so that I can conform to your rigid guidelines.  I get worked up about things like this too easily, like right now.  Moreover, I don't know how to garner the necessary enthusiasm to go into the experience with anything other than a bad attitude.  Sure, catching up on sleep and being less stressed will help, but I'm afraid that's not going to be enough.

I'm afraid of many things, especially concerning the future.  It's just one of those things I have to deal with as it comes up.  I'll get there.  I'll figure it out.  I hope.