I Forgot How a Poem is Built

Writing is hard.  Writing well is, anyway.  It's easy for me to write long angry rants about misery.  Those things are easy.  But when it comes to structuring coherent thoughts, to explaining things logically or simply or fluidly, I don't know how to anymore.  I've lost any eloquence or reason I ever had.  It all just fell away at some point and I don't know when or why or how.  One day it was there and the next it wasn't.  

I know that wasn't true, I know that's not the way it works.  It all fell away slowly somewhere and I hadn't noticed.  But now, now that everything has finally fallen away enough that I don't remember how it once was, that I can only recall that one day it was better than this, that my writing used to actually flow and make sense and convey thoughts and emotions and portray who I was.  I miss that.  I miss knowing what I wanted to say and being able to put it into words.

Does it always go this way?  Does absolutely everything fall apart with age, no matter how much older you get?  The impression I get right now is that things simply go downhill as you get older.  Things crumble and fall to pieces and break down and collapse, corrode, become barren and desolate and destroyed.  I've said it the whole time.  I suck at being in relationships.  I suck at doing things correctly, at knowing what needs to happen, at saying what needs to be said.  I'm too sensitive to be able to let things go and say the things I need to say, or do the things I need to do or make things work.  

And the conversation we had last night is the same exact conversation I had with my ex just about a month before we broke up.  That's why I said I'd give it a month.  Because all it takes is one disagreement.  It's not hard for things to break down, fall apart, crumble to pieces.  I learned that the hard way once and I'd really rather not repeat history.  Being the person I am though, it seems inevitable.  I'm worried that being the person I am, it'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  That I'll mess it up just because I'm so afraid of messing it up.

I really hope I don't.  I'll do anything I can to fix it.  So please, just tell me what you need.