Fear

I guess a large part of this is simply the fact that I am afraid of messing things up.  I mean, that's the way I've always been--constantly anxious about making mistakes and doing everything wrong.  As the stakes increased, so did the concern.  I've always known that I often worry when I have absolutely no reason to, but regardless, it doesn't really seem to help much.

This particular fear is one that I would expect to be unfounded by today, because of today, in a sense.  But it's not.  I'm just the kind of person who worries.  It's what I do, it's who I am.  I'm certainly more relaxed right now than I have been in a while, but that doesn't fix everything.  I know I have personality flaws that really should be  corrected in the future so that I don't screw up as much.  I'm working on it.

In any case, as you may have guessed, I'm currently writing just because I make myself.  I don't really have much of anything to say, so I'm not going to say terribly much more than I feel obligated to.  With that in mind, I'm having a lovely weekend and hope that you are too.  I really should start working on my writing at some point...oh well, I'll have time.  Good night.