Good

I feel...good.  And that's strange for me, because I really don't remember the last time I remember consciously actually feeling good.  It's good, make no mistake, but it's odd.  And I'm happy.  I'm not as bothered by the lacking motivation, the feeling of summer almost being here is finally starting to sink in, and everything just seems to be falling into place bit by bit.

I'm scared, still.  Part of that is that I'm hitting the point where I'm comfortable enough to start wanting more of a future, to start looking ahead and wanting to plan things...and then holding myself back.  I'm a fan of planning ahead when I get into positions like this.  At the same time, I'm enough of a realist to be very, very afraid of things such as this planning ahead, and I know that it often has the tendency of ending badly when things fall through, which is why I'm trying to avoid it.

But I'm so...happy right now.  I can't help but actually believe that things might indeed work out in the end.  I'm looking forward to certain things, and not dreading others nearly as much as I was before.  I'm staring to find a productive groove again, a point where I have just a bit of motivation to do something, but when it comes, it's good and deep and rich and I do things really well.

Life has taken on a rhythm.  An upbeat one.  I'm excited for things again.  I always get scared when I get this excited, but I can get over that.  This is approaching the end of one stage of my life and the beginning of another.  I'm absolutely terrified, but I'm also thrilled.  I can't wait.