Feelings

I'm tired of feeling bad about things I have no right to feel bad about.  I'm in one of those moods.  The prideful ones.  The arrogant ones.  I'm at one of those points in my life where I feel superior, and while I've tried to squash that sensation out of myself, it still comes back occasionally.  Like right now.  So then I don't give answers and I make things hurt even though I know I shouldn't.

I should fix it.  The people around me deserve better than that.  But who am I to talk about deserving something?  I hate that concept; I hate that word.  Just like I don't believe in fate or karma or destiny, I don't believe that people do or don't deserve anything.  They just get things.  And most often it's their fault, but sometimes it's not.  It's not a matter of deserving, it's simply cause and effect.

I tend to take the emotion out of things.  Despite my [occasionally] romantic nature, I have the tendency to be extraordinarily empirical when it comes to certain things.  More often than not, I slip into it when I'm upset or displeased, or occasionally sometimes simply when I'm exhausted.  It's one of these things I do even though I shouldn't, and I'm perfectly well aware of it.

I've always gotten criticized by people I've dated for constantly going on about how I need to improve and never changing anything.  Yes, I realize I'm a failure as a human being.  And I guess there's no changing that.  Or rather, the problem is my attitude, which is not changing anytime soon...because of my attitude.  I also seem to function in cycles fairly often, especially ones that make me a terrible person.

I'm spewing entirely unrelated things into separate paragraphs.  I guess it's good that they're at least separated somehow.  But it's not as though this matters in the end, anyway.  I'll stop now.  Sorry.