Inability

I can't make myself work.  I'm on vacation, break, leave, whatever you want to call it.  So for the most part, it's really not a problem.  It's frustrating, nonetheless.  I can't deal with jobs that have so-called "flexible schedules" or hours that you can rearrange at will.  I like schedules and certainties.  I appreciate the ability to move things around here or there, but I want a set wake-up time and places I need to be.

I function best when I'm organized this way, when I have things that need to be done, with concrete deadlines and all.  I can deal without them, but, as this summer suggests, I don't do nearly as well when things are as abstract as this.  I don't tend to handle the abstract well at all, actually.  Under any circumstances.  Not necessarily even directly related to work.

I worry too much.  But somehow, I also let things go easily.  Too easily.  I think it's just me trying to compensate for worrying about everything and not knowing how to function.  I think I'm too strict and hold on too tightly, so I loosen in excess in hopes that it'll balance out with my natural tendencies and turn out just right.  I don't think it works as well as I'd like.  But that's okay.  I've got time.  I'm working on it.  Figuring it out.