Personality

To put it simply, we're not together because of common interest or similar habits.  It's just because we get along personality-wise.  And maybe they're not the same, but somehow we understand each other.  I think I had more to say on the subject.  Maybe it was about more of my insecurities.  Because when you have common interests with people, you can do things with them.  You can play games or go places or see movies or something.

And I don't do any of those things.  Because I don't have interests or hobbies.  I had issues with every time someone ever asked me what I liked.  I don't know what to say because it's been years since I've found things that interest me.  Okay, I guess I like reading.  Not that it's a hobby you can really share with someone unless you're a fan of sitting in the same room in silence, which, to be fair, isn't bad on occasion...but only on occasion.  I like camping and hiking, but don't get to do it often enough and am not serious enough about it to even be able to maintain too much of a conversation on the subject.

Part of it is that I don't run into things that interest me very often, not seriously interest me and cause me to obsess, in any case, as many people seem to.  That's partially because I don't put myself out there, because I don't try every new thing, and to a point that's just because they don't stand out to me.  And even the ones that do...I don't have enough time in my day for the way I live now, not to mention adding things to every day.  Maybe it's a consequence of the way I live my life--the whole driven, focused, committed thing.  I've stopped trying to find more things to interest me, because most of the time, I have enough to occupy me.  It's just times like this, like summer, when I don't have enough to do, that this lack of hobbies catches up and bites me in the ass.

To be perfectly honest, I'll throw in a bit of something I don't like to admit.  To a point, I'm afraid of developing a personality for myself.  I care what people think of me to a much greater extent than I'd admit.  So I don't want to like things they don't like, or do things they don't do, or maintain manners and habits they don't maintain themselves.  It's just the way I've grown up, always trying to please.  And yeah, I'll put on this nonchalant face and pretend that I don't give a damn what people think.  I rather wish that was the case.

I've spent the majority of a day attempting to compose this.  I've clearly gotten somewhere, although not terribly far.  I guess what it all boils down to is that I have issues.  Plenty of them.  Mostly with myself.  And they're caused by any number of things.  So I guess that now I get to go try to work some of them out, at least a little bit.  But I'm out of things to say right now.  I guess that's that then, sorry for the anticlimactic ending.