Pretty Creatures

I worry too much.  I don't know how many times I must have mentioned that here by now, but here it is again.  I'm a neurotic.  It runs in the family.  And what it usually means for me is that I have to worry about something.  Constantly.  If I'm not worrying about anything, I start worrying about not worrying enough.  If there's nothing serious going on in my life, I worry about the most trivial things.  And maybe that's what this is.  Maybe I'm just freaking out because I don't have anything significant to be concerned about.

Or maybe I have a point.  I hope I don't, but I think I might.  When things change, when life throws us into a different environment with different situations than we're used to, people go their separate ways.  That's just how it works.  They develop different friends, different interests and hobbies, they just...drift apart.  And I'm afraid that that's exactly what's going to happen.  We're being thrown into a new environment with new situations, we're going to meet, and most likely befriend, completely different people.  So I get the impression that we ourselves are going to drift apart.  I know that doesn't always happen, but we're so unlikely to run into the same people, to have dealings with a common group, that I'm afraid we're going to go our separate ways and the way we are is going to fall apart.

I know it's unreasonable.  We've discussed it.  And maybe I'll prioritize it this way and meet fewer new people, make fewer new friends.  To be honest, I'd be okay with that.  It would just destroy me if things did go south.  And me being me, I'm inclined to think that they will.  Even if there's no indication.  Even if I really don't want them to.  I'm afraid that they will and that I'm going to have to start over, because that's what I do after a break-up.  I don't just hang out with slightly different people, I change absolutely everything about myself because that's how I deal.  That's what happened last time anyway, and I don't know why this time would be any different.

If anything, it would be that much more extreme, that much worse.  Everything I like now would be a painful reminder of you and I wouldn't be able to take it so I'd shove it all away.  Start from scratch, just like I did last time.  Different music, different books, different conversational topics.  Certain ideas and things would be permanently tainted for me.  But I'm just getting bitter and rambling about what hopefully will not happen.  In any case, I'll do my best to not let it.  I just hope it works.