Done

I'm done playing this game. I give up, I forfeit. The misery that it is causing me is no longer worth the fight. It's like that one quote in War Games, "The only way to win is to not play." Well, here I am. And I'm not playing it anymore. It's not worth it. I'm done trying to make something work that never had any chance of developing.

So I guess it's time for me to either find a new game or to do something else with my life in this respect. But I have tomorrow to figure that out. In the meantime, I am exhausted. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I was thinking. And what was I thinking about? This same game of course, the very game which I just now stopped playing.

Perhaps someone who reads this is going to misinterpret it as some foolish, stereotypical game, but that is not what this is. This is a game that determines a major part of my life. Just as children play with fire, so adults play with life, always seeing what can go up in the most spectacular flames without hurting themselves or anybody else. But I have just now realized that this particular game is not life; nor is it safe. So I lay down my hand and walk away.