Misery

These past two days...they have been hell. I have been stomped on, trampled, shattered, broken, destroyed. But somehow I'm still here. Something is keeping me going. And I don't know what it is. I'm getting sick, I'm getting almost no sleep. The world is inadvertently (or perhaps with every malicious intent) throwing every burden upon my shoulders. I'm still carrying on, keeping my head up just enough to not collapse from the pain.

It's one of those things where once it starts going downhill, it just keeps falling and falling and falling. And I'm desperately hoping that this afternoon will bring some relief for it, some brief form of respite from the hell. Because I don't know how much longer I can keep taking what has been thrown at me. I don't know how I'm still able to move forward with my life. But I'm somehow doing it.

Something has made me want to get through this, to pull myself out of this canyon that life threw immediately underneath my feet. I want to get out of this, I want to make it through. And everything in the world seems to be completely against me, it seems to want to do everything it can to leave me hurt, upset, and incapable of continuing on. Normally, I would just continue lying in the ditch, moving along as I was able, only to see what happened next.

But right now, something is different. Right now, despite the pieces I'm in, I'm getting up, I'm moving forward. I'm doing something with myself. And it hurts like hell. This is tearing me to bits. I don't know if I can keep doing this, and maybe I cannot. But I'm not going to let this stop me. My life has hit the point where I'm in too much pain to care. It's hit the point where I have almost nothing left to lose. I'm going to cling like hell to the things I still have left, but everything else is out the window. I'm trying to make what I can of this mess, and I'll be damned if I let some poor bastard who doesn't even know me stop my life.