Yes, I worry. I worry a lot. I'm a neurotic. My father was the same way. I don't mind terribly. It keeps me on my toes and gets the things that need to get done, done. That's part of why I do so well in certain things. I'm constantly afraid of even the slightest failure, so I always arrive early, always do extra work, just to make sure I don't mess even the smallest things up.
Unfortunately, that worry extends beyond the simply rational and the useful, and into the realm of needless worrying and pointless fear. So when you ask me if I trust you, that sets off a red flag. I have difficulty trusting becase the last time I trusted someone anywhere near this much, that trust was shattered. Violently. But you knew that already. And that's not really why I'm writing this.
I'm not saying it wouldn't bother me. I imagine it would, although from where I'm standing now, I couldn't know. I am curious. I want to know things, especially when it comes to people and actions and reactions. I know this is a dangerous game. Which is why I should probably stop bringing it up, stop pushing it. I know I should, but I'm too curious to let it go completely.
I'm also afraid to not mention it. Because if it hasn't been mentioned in long enough, what if you don't tell me if anything happens again? I'm trying to constantly make it clear that while I don't approve of it, I'm okay with it, I'm more than willing to work through it and deal with it. I've learned something from you. I've become more open, more insistent on truth. So I want this in the open, I want it to remain a topic that at least can be in the open, even if it isn't a constant topic of discussion.
I love you so much. I just want you to be happy. Please, don't worry so much. We'll be okay. I promise. Have a good time. You know how to contact me if you'd like.
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