I Shouldn't Want to Apologize

I've been a bit absent lately.  Not absent-minded.  Just absent.  I haven't been blogging as much as I should be, here or elsewhere.  I've just had a lot to do, and I've been busy doing it.  That's all.  When I came back here, I wrote immediately that I have a lot to do and blogging is going on the back burner, and that's where it is right now.  I'm still making an effort to blog more or less regularly, but it's not enough to keep me up late anymore.

I still feel bad about it, even though I shouldn't.  I have been busy, though.  A lot has happened in the past few days, I've had three and a half million (approximately) ups and downs emotionally, mentally, and in any other imaginable way.  I don't know.  It's been a weird and messy and complicated week, following up on last week which was just blurry and not at all logical, which, as you might imagine, led to a few less-than-pleasant consequences this week.

I think I'm starting to get things together.  Hopefully.  I'm still getting used to this, and it honestly feels like it's taking me entirely too long to adjust to a new place, given that it's been exactly a month now, and in some ways it's thoroughly familiar and pleasant by now, but in other respects, I either really miss where I was before or just can't adjust to this.  And I honestly think it's going to pass.  In part because I just don't know what I'd do if it doesn't.

I mean, it's not terribly hard.  I'd figure it out.  I'd get things together and create a plan for what happens next, whether I make myself adjust or go elsewhere or whatever it took.  But I'd just rather it not get there.  And I have to admit, everything is going by very smoothly, very pleasantly.  I like it this way.  I do think I feel a bit less out of place than I did before, especially at the very beginning.  The nice thing about huge places is that even after a while, nobody knows you, who you are, who you were, or any of it.

I like being the stranger who blends into a crowd, the mysterious person on the edge of the circle.  I don't want to be the center of attention, I don't need to be noticed or have three hundred best friends.  I'm happy with a few people I get along with and can enjoy myself around.  That's good enough for me, and I think I'm starting to find it here.  Even if it took a little while.