I have a 'friend' on facebook with a similar statement in her "About Me" section. It doesn't describe me at all, or at least I like to think it doesn't. Hey, maybe it does. I try to be reasonable, responsible, organized and all of that. It doesn't always work. To be fair, I've been getting better at it, as the stability of my life lately implies.
Then again, I still miss it. I miss making mistakes and learning from them and never knowing what's going to happen. What's a good source of adrenaline? I think I need one. I feel like I've run out and I don't want to sit here overflowing with angst over having nothing to angst about. That's a problem. I need to stop that. And part of it is that I'm sleep-deprived. I know that. But I miss the excitement.
Sometimes I want to stay up until four in the morning because everything is funny then and nothing make sense and you can admit things without worrying about them until the next day. It's that adventurous attitude of late night and early morning that I like so much. That's why I don't always go to bed at a reasonable hour. Part of me wants to grasp those moments, those fleeting bits of truth that only come out at that time.
And I know it's possible to do that outside of late nights. Some situations are just conducive to it (like May 16th, apparently). But it doesn't happen often. And I miss being able to see it happen because I'm hardly ever up. I'm still in a transitional state. I'm still adjusting. I'm sure I'll figure it out, one way or another, at some point. But for now I'm just trying to get acquainted with this new life.
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