Questions

What do I write?  I make this an obligation for myself.  I force myself to sit down every day that I have access to a computer and internet and write.  I put down words that shape themselves just so and construct paragraphs to elucidate my meaning.  I throw emotions out upon the emotionless screen through the impassioned pressings of my fingers.  And more often than not, I have absolutely no idea what I want to say when I sit down before my computer for this daily ritual.

So I sit down with my hands on the keys and ask myself questions.

What can I say?
Am I going to tell a story?
Will I hide this or that?
Have I said this before?
Why do I feel like this?
Am I writing for anyone?
Did anything interesting happen?

And so on and so forth.  I try to figure out what I'm going to say and how I intend to say it.  I've mentioned before that I do not think or feel in words.  It is hard for me, thus, to put down thoughts and emotions in neat sentences and paragraphs.  But I make myself sit down and do it anyway.  In certain ways, posting on a blog is entirely an exercise in communication.  It teaches me to express the things I am not certain how to explain and enables me to lay down the inner workings of my mind in a rigid, definite construction.

In other ways, this is such a blank canvas.  It is a space for me to throw out all of my ideas.  There are many conceptions of my mind that never have touched and never will touch the pages upon pages of this blog.  That is fine by me.  The number of ideas that I have spilled out of my mind and through the keyboard is quite large in and of itself, and as such, I feel no need to put down everything in the form of a post.

Sometimes I write for others.  I write to thank them or tell them how I feel, whether they will read my writing or not.  Sometimes it is because I cannot say things and other times because it is on my mind and I want a clear record of it all for my future self.  Other times, I write for nobody.  I spew words and emotions at will, disregarding anyone who may come upon them, putting them down only to get them out of my system, only to free myself from haunting thoughts.

I have learned in over a year of blogging that some days are better than others.  Sometimes, posts are hard to write and other times they will just flow.  Through the hard times, I've made myself press onward, through the easier ones, I have allowed my fingers to tap away at will.  I have learned about myself and those around me, as well as about writing and communication.  Blogging has not made me a better writer, per se, but it has helped me come to understand any number of related and unrelated things.  Because of this, I am grateful to those who helped me make the decision to start a blog in the first place.  It has taken me to unexpected places and left a clear path for me to follow again.