Verbatim

"I intend for all of my writing to be honest, true, uncensored. Maybe that's really what I'm trying to find in all of this--the truth. Either way, I think I'm in for one hell of a ride."

November 8, 2009.  One year ago today, I started this blog, with a post that still has one of my favorite post titles ever, Verbal Nudity.  How well have I kept to those initial intentions?  I don't really know.  I seem to be saying that phrase a lot more often in my writing now, though.  At least I'm being honest about it now?  Or perhaps the reason I say that more is because I hypothesize less as to what the answers may be.  I really wish I could make this post special somehow, but I don't think that's going to happen...I figure it'll mostly be an analysis of my life and my writing from a year ago to now.

Has my writing style changed?  I think it might have.  Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but it seems to me that the writing is less artistic and more blunt.  To me, it sounds more like I am fulfilling a need than crafting a work of art.  Is that bad?  Not necessarily.  The function of this blog has changed in a way.  It went from a place for me to sort out my beliefs to a collection of thoughts I need to get out of my head.  Some things have remained the same though, because I have more questions than answers in most things I write.  That and, to an extent, most of the things I write are either inspired by or written to a particular individual...the same one, really.

But that gets into how my own life has changed.  Well, I can say one thing for certain...I'm still in love, still with the same person.  It took me until two weeks after this date last year to connect the emotion to the word, but it was there the whole time, and I can see it when I look back on it.  Sure, the circumstances have changed, and reading closely into posts I've written, the story could probably be pieced together quite nicely and thoroughly.  After all, for half a year, this blog was mainly an outlet for my angst about unrequited love.

Things really have changed.  I look at things differently.  Some things are better, some are worse.  It comes and goes, life changes, and these 365 days worth of posts have given me one of the best ways possible to look back at the past year, to understand the ups and downs I've been through in the past 12 months.  Looking back is...strange.  It always is though.  Sometimes I wonder whether or not I'll ever read all or even most of these posts again.  I really would like to, at some point at least.  But considering that I already have over 400 posts and the number is only going to keep increasing (considering that I do in fact intend to keep writing and do not plan on deleting anything), I doubt I will ever be able to find the time to do it.  It's still nice to know that I have the option available if I do in fact go back to read them.

So what happens now?  After one year of writing...where am I going to go with the rest of this?  I don't really know.  I'm going to keep posting, that I know.  I'm going to do it every day, still.  But beyond that, I don't know.  I'll let it go where it does.  What better way to maintain this than by letting it take the course it chooses?  So I guess we'll see.  Anyhow, happy one-year blog-anniversary!  I hope it's been worth something to anyone who chose to read.