Calm

My mood is variable at best right now.  I'm swinging between panic and absolute tranquility.  Nothing feels real.  The past few hours have been absolutely ridiculous.  I haven't been able to keep track.  But I guess the past few hours don't matter at present.  Or even if they do, I'm going to sit here and continue to pretend that they don't.  Because right now, right now I feel alright.  I am calm.  I am collected.  I am worrying about other people and that is stopping me from worrying about myself.

All of us are exhausted right now.  We need rest.  We need this nonsense to go away.  And by "we" I really mean just about everyone I have talked to over the course of the day, because this is the point where everything starts to really drag at what is occasionally an absolutely agonizing pace.  Things happen that we can't control, and we lash out against them, we hit back against emptiness and nothingness, even though we all know it won't accomplish anything.

Right now, in this moment, everything is just fine.  I've come to terms with reality, I've accepted the things I need to accept.  There is no sense in worrying further.  And the thing is, there is legitimately very little concern to be had here.  The slight headache I have is vaguely annoying, but somehow, despite everything else, I have managed to calm down. 

Maybe the effects of panic are no longer the same on my system.  There is no reeling, no utter fear.  There was a point where I wanted to curl up and disappear but I got past it quickly and am now back to my normal self.  A bit more apathetic than usual, but that has been a trend lately in and of itself.  I'm fairly certain everything will work out alright in the end.  So in the meantime, I'm not going to panic over it.