Pace

The thump of a heartbeat, the cadence of even breaths, the tapping of a foot against nothing but air.  All of these have a certain rhythm, a given pace.  They mark time as it flows by and separate it into even measures.  They don't necessarily feel even, but the arbitrarily defined units really are.  It's our perception of them that is flawed entirely.  But who can blame human flaws for such things?  This is the way we simply are.

It felt like spring today.  Actual spring, almost to the point where I would want to take off my heavy winter jacket and enoy the breeze.  And then it rained.  It almost poured.  I didn't get to spend much time in it, which is perhaps for the better given that it was still unpleasantly cold.  But it was rain, real rain.  Winter's been hell.  More hell than usual because of all the nonsense piled on in a thoroughly unappreciated manner.  Things happen, I guess.  I'm just glad it's coming to an end. 

The thing about it is, this makes me long for summer.  Steamy days, long, beautiful nights.  That's breaking my heart right now.  So perhaps from that statement it's understood that it really doesn't take much to break my heart.  Well, it's true.  It doesn't.  Because I know that once I leave this place, I will still miss it.  No matter how much hell it put me through, some of the things that happened here are ones that I will never forget. 

Thinking about chances, things that might happen, things that might not.  Wondering about what may or may not happen, what will or will not come.  It's odd.  I'm strangely worried.  Despite the fact that in a way, I'm not.  I'm afraid of the future.  I'm afraid of many things, and will admit to them readily.  That's just the way I am.  And the future is definitely one of them.  It's not something I know right now, not something I have control over.  It's just something.  And I know it will exist and I know I will have control of it...but not now.  Which is frustrating and leaves me worrying about futile things.