Changes

I need them.  Seriously.  The way things are going follows a very distinct pattern.  That pattern is called auto-pilot.  It's where I'm no longer in control.  I just get by.  I let the days slide away without doing anything truly worthwhile in any of them and I just watch everything fly past me without trying too hard to intervene.  Sometimes I change things.  But lately, I just don't have the motivation to do so.  At all.

So I need something to change.  Badly.  Because I don't know how long I can keep up this string of fortunate coincidences that keep my head above water before they all fall apart and stop working.  I'm watching and waiting and hoping it doesn't happen.  One might wonder why I don't do anything to stop it.  I'm not entirely certain, but I have a feeling that how apathetic this whole thing has made me has something to do with it.  In any case, if I'm on a collision course with hell, I'm not presently in any sort of mood to try and stop it.

I really need to start being legitimately productive.  I'm falling behind on things that aren't going to catch me for a while yet, but every step I fall behind now is one I know I will need to make up for in the future.  The problem is, this lack of motivation is making me less inclined than ever to make things work.  I'll get by.  I know that.  And that's leading to me to be as lazy as I'm allowing myself to be.  Oops.