Apathy

I'm so apathetic.  I really hadn't thought it was actually legitimately possible to care this little.  But apparently it is.  And I'm hitting this state.  By which I mean I've already hit it and am just hanging on for dear life now hoping to survive long enough that it won't kill me.  I don't usually get this way.  I can almost always motivate myself to finish things.

But I guess this is just not one of those times when motivation works for me.  Unfortunately.  Especially given that now I'm starting to legitimately fall behind and I don't have the energy to fix it.  This never happens to me.  If I fall behind, it's only ever a little bit and I always manage to fix it, to get away with it, to pull it off so that most people don't realize I was behind in the first place.

Now, for once, I'm afraid that I'm not simply going to be able to do that.  And maybe I'm wrong.  I really rather hope I'm wrong in this case.  But I don't know if I can in fact pull this off.  I know I'd get over it if I can't, but it really bothers me that I've gotten to the point where this is a legitimate concern.  I've always prided myself on being on top of things and successful.  So now that it may not be a possibility, I am bothered and somewhat scared by this.