Make Sense

Now, explain.

That always seems to be it.  Giving an answer is never enough.  There always has to be a reason, an explanation, a set of motives.  Nothing can ever go without this convoluted myriad pattern of past thoughts and deliberate decisions ultimately culminating in a simple answer.  Sometimes so simple that it is composed of a single syllable, "yes," or "no."  What explanation is to be given for that, then?  Perhaps the only reason is "because I felt like it" or "it seemed more appealing at the time."  The best decisions are not always those that are most thoroughly thought out, they are not composed of merely patience and talent.

Occasionally, it is purely a matter of luck, or an unforeseen insight or impulse.  Things don't always go the way we want them to, or the way we expect, or the way they should.  They happen.  And sometimes they just happen.  Simply and clearly, with no explanation provided.  That's where some turn to a god and ask why, and others withdraw into themselves and seek for personal flaws to explain away the inexplicable, and some merely give in to fate or destiny, where it was merely meant to happen and there was nothing that could be changed.

Nonsense.  Something can always be changed, and there is merely not always an answer or an explanation for it.  Why wasn't it changed?  Why didn't it turn out better?  The fact of the matter is, it doesn't make the least bit of a difference.  What happens happens, there's no changing it after something has already taken place.  Then all that remains is cleaning up, picking up the pieces, and figuring out a different path in a new direction.  It may be for the better, it may be for the worse.

Sometimes people have a tendency to live too much in the past, to be stuck in what happened before.  It may be the result of an inability to accept what may be viewed as the meaningless vacuum of life.  It may merely be the desire to make sense of everything, to come up with a reason for absolutely every tiny occurrence, a rationality which may very well not exist in the world.  This order which is missing from existence may be what holds people back, but in its own way, it can be used to set one free.  In that way, it is merely a matter of figuring out just how.

I'm sitting here with an ominous premonition and it bothers me.  There is no reason for it, no explanation, just this gut feeling that something's going to go wrong, going to fall apart.  Blame it on the depression, chalk it up to the paranoia, either way, it makes no sense.  Perhaps nothing is going to happen, perhaps I am merely a nervous wreck for no reason at all.  Or perhaps I have every justified reason to feel the way I do.  The one thing I've learned by now is that I can't do anything about it, so I might as well calm down and take a deep breath until I know anything for a fact.  That is what I am resigned to, then.  Deep breaths.