Motivation

I don't know why I write anymore.  It never seems to be anything worthwhile by now.  Admittedly, I'm completely exhausted at this point.  I really haven't been getting very much sleep and it's definitely been showing in my behavior, my performance, my attention, and, perhaps most importantly here, my writing.  I just feel like the past few weeks if not months have simply been me spewing nonsense at the page to fill it.

I need to write.  There is a part of me that really needs this release right now, probably because I am so exhaused and not sure what else to do with myself, but I need to do something, and I want to write.  If I was logical, I'd just not post today, and go get some sleep, and wake up feeling better tomorrow.  The odd thing is, today was a perfectly good day.  Things went well.  Nothing bad happened.  Plenty of good things happened and I was quite happy throughout.

But now I'm sitting here looking around trying to figure out why I'm not satisfied with things.  I imagine it is mostly because of sleep, but still...something feels off, and even if I can explain why it feels that way, that doesn't mean I'm okay with it being so.  I need the sleep.  The weekend after this coming one is very important for me, and I need to be sleeping well and feeling well at that point, so this ridiculous sleep schedule and lack of control will really have to stop. 

I know I'll get past this and figure it out, I really have no doubt about that.  In fact, I've been productive lately, and it's a good feeling.  But the exhaustion...it's this endless cycle feeding on itself and I need a break.  My writing still feels like it's terrible, and I still don't know what to say anywhere about anything, with the possible exception of rambling about myself, but that gets a bit old after a while of having nothing really to say.