Sleep

It's been a long couple of days.  The weekend, first of all, was full of ups and downs and reflected a certain sense of pain in not getting nearly enough sleep.  I slept 3 hours, then 8, then 4...that's been my past three nights right there.  I'm tired.  I'm ready to collapse and sleep right now and I really wish I didn't have obligations tonight so that I could.  But, unfortunately, I don't have such a choice.  I now have obligations to take care of, so I'll get to bed eventually.

Yesterday...that was a mess. I didn't know what to write and anything I could say I didn't want to put down in words because they would have hurt someone, be that myself or anyone else.  I had no desire to put anything down.  I just wanted it to fade away, to be forgotten.  I can't really explain how I felt because I don't really know.  I know I was a mess.  That much I can say for certain.  But beyond that, I really can't say anything at all.

And then today was the complete opposite of it.  It was wonderful.  There were no odd breaks, no disappointments, no dissatisfaction that I can think of at all.  The last night of being up obnoxiously late, seemingly getting nowhere, seems to have led somewhere.  I'm afraid of admitting my mistakes because I feel foolish once I finally fess up, but I might as well say it now, since there's no real reason not to.  I'll change.  I think I started today, but if I didn't, then I will, whenever it comes up.  I've come to understand by now what it means to change my behaviors for others when I really want to.  And I am in fact willing to do it for certain people.

I feel better.  I also feel a little bit like I'm about to pass out and not at all in the mood to finish any sort of homework, but that's beside the point.  That's due exclusively to sleep and at this point I'm a fair bit beyond caring.  But I feel good.  It took a while, but I do in fact feel better now.  So I'm going to go to sleep as soon as I can tonight, and see how I'm doing tomorrow.  Good night, all.  Sleep well.