Paranoia

Hi.  I'm paranoid.  Just in case any of you didn't already know that, you most certainly know it now.  Because, well, you know, I just said it.  Paranoia has been a common theme for me today.  I do stupid things sometimes, or occasionally even not-so-stupid things.  And then I panic about them.  I mean I really panic.  I freak out and hyperventilate and fear the end of the world.

So everyone who has ever seen me in one of these moods has probably come to hate me for it.  Because I get bad when this happens, really bad.  I freak out over nothing at all sometimes and it's painful and miserable for me and everyone around me who has to listen to it.  Since I'm partially in one of those moods at present, I'm going to go ahead and apologize to anyone who has had to deal with me today (well, namely one person) because that really can't have been pleasant.

Anyhow, I'm just writing because I have less than twenty minutes in which to finish all of this.  I deal with paranoia by taking it out on people or trying to hold it in and just waiting for it all to end.  That's all I can do.  No meditation or relaxation or distraction ever manages to actually get my mind off the things that bother me.  So I wind up dealing with them by waiting for them to end.  That's the stage I'm at currently.  Although I'm not nearly as paranoid right now as I have been in the past.  Thank goodness for that.