Panic

It's been a hellish day.  It's been a hellish four days.  I really don't have too much more than that to say.  I could say plenty.  But god knows I don't want to.  There are things I don't want to think about, things I don't want to talk about, and things about which my mind has literally been numbed.  There's nothing I can think, nothing I can do, nothing I can say...that's frustrating.

I've probably cried more in the past four days than I have in the past year.  Given that this is me, knowing just how much I do in fact cry sometimes, that says something.  That says quite a lot, actually.  This is also the most panic I have experienced in...probably about that same duration of a year.  Which also says something because I panic over everything, and I mean literally everything.

I don't know.  I'm just trying to fill space.  Anything that I want or need to say isn't going to be said here, and I know that.  So apologies for anyone who still bothers to read this, but I am quite literally filling up space again.  The only difference between now and the usual is that this time I just want to avoid saying anything that shouldn't be said rather than lacking in anything to say.