Pouring Down

There's something about pouring rain that has the tendency to make everything feel better. It washes all of the dirt that's built up between storms, it lets everything run free, it releases all of the anger and ferocity of nature in one beautiful swoop. Standing in a thunderstorm as winds whip around you and rain pours from the sky like there's no tomorrow is one of the most incredible feelings in the world.

Everything about rain is amazing, from the cleansing power of water washing over everything, to the sheer chaos and power of a storm. This is why I wish it would pour. Pouring rain has a power about it that's full of bittersweet emotion for me. A bit of nostalgia mixed with desire, combined with hope, power, freedom, agony...that's how I feel in the pouring rain, but more than that, I feel pure, raw, liberating emotion. Not the "feelings" we talk about when we're upset by something or the mild joy we feel at an accomplishment, but something real, something truly substantial, and powerful.

I guess that nothing really compares to the real release of emotion that sometimes just needs to happen. On a similar note, I figured out that writing is my escape. I don't have to hide anything...even if the same people who read it see me every day in my life, I'm still a different person. It's just like Fight Club (great book and movie, by the way)...the person writing this is a different person than the one who walks around every day and talks about books, movies, or ideas in everyday life.

In a way, this has made it easier to wake up every morning. Even as my heart skipped a beat as my alarm went off, even as the lack of desire for the day to commence settled in, there was the prospect of something different. In a way this is my second identity. I don't speak the way I write...it's not as fluid or as honest as this, by any means. That in itself makes life more interesting. I spend time, instead of staring off into space, thinking of what I should write for the day, looking into myself and pondering my emotions. In that way, this has been not only a release for my thoughts, but also a chance to grow and understand more of whatever I may find. And I'm most certainly taking that opportunity...because I'm done letting things stand in my way.