Resistance

Don't hold me up now,

I can stand my own ground,

I don't need your help now,

You won't let me down, down, down.

Those are lyrics from Prayer of the Refugee (Rise Against), which I currently have stuck in my head. Lately, a friend has characterized my taste in music as having moved from soft and sentimental to dark and depressing. She may have a point in that, and my taste in music has definitely changed over the past couple of months, tending toward the more negative end of the emotional spectrum. That fits my life right now, though.

Actually, the lines I wrote above really work for my exact mindset right now. It reflects my annoyance with people's excessive involvement in my life. And then again, the entire song has a sense of individual strength, standing, the power of one's own will. I've tried re-writing the next sentence about five times now, and I really can't express what I mean. There's a certain essence of the song that appeals to me, an authoritative edge, a reflection of my own thought processes that gets it stuck in my head.

So now, there's a five-day break only several hours away from me. And after only 6 hours of sleep at the very end of the past 48 hours, a pause in life may be nice. But at the same time, I don't want it to just be a pause, I want to make something of it. I want to take advantage of that time and do something, improve myself, add something to my life. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm done just letting things happen to me, it doesn't work. I'm in control of my life, and I'm not just letting decisions go until they are made for me. This is my decision, I'm making the conscious choice to take opportunities that appear to me in the next five days, to fill my time with something productive and useful. Certainly this motivated mood will not last, but while my mind is still filled with music, my thoughts moved with the passion of life, I'll make the most of it.