How many times have people said that? I've heard it relating to everything from fashion to sports to relationships to all-nighters. But does it really hold true? Does everything in life have to hurt us and push us down a little bit more? It's become one of those cliches that people say without even thinking at this point. So I want to figure out what it does actually mean.
I don't know that the phrase was meant to be literal. Certainly, in some senses like sports it applies--if you don't push yourself until you feel like you are breathing fire with every step at the end of a ten-mile run, you're not going to get better, if you aren't willing to work through the searing buildup of lactic acid in your muscles from yesterday's swim, you're never going to actually make any real progress. So in that case, it does apply. But on the other hand, the women who use that statement as an excuse for wearing ridiculously painful 5-inch stiletto strappy sandals have really crossed the line of reason and entered the realm of foolishness. Because really, the pain of wearing shoes that destroy your feet or undergoing hour-long hair-treatment sessions is most definitely not giving you any gain...actually, it's more likely to lead to further problems in the future.
Of course, the statement is probably meant to take a rather milder stand. Something along the lines of, "If you're not willing to test your limits, you'll never be able to transcend them." Well, that I actually agree with. And going past one's limits can definitely lead to a lot of pain...but it doesn't have to. If a musician selects a piece above their difficulty level to prepare for a recital and isn't ready to perform it when the date rolls around, they're not going to be in serious pain. Nothing will happen physically, and although they may be displeased, upset, or disappointed as far as emotions go...that's only a matter of how much they weigh upon themselves. For the most part, the gain will come from the possible mild embarrassment, but whether you can really attribute that to gain, I rather doubt.
Emotional pain, of course, may be on a different level. My ex once said, "the remorse shows it was worth being in the relationship..." I don't know that I agree with that exact quote, but there is a point to it. As far as relationships go (wow, this has become a really common topic for me lately), it's the ones that change and hurt us the most that we really learn the most from. But at the same time, the pain caused by a bad relationship is not necessary for a better understanding of anything. The best relationships of our lives can be the ones we learn the most from, even the ones that didn't end badly, because from there we figure out what makes us happy with another person, how to work through issues, and how to just move on with our lives.
So is pain a prerequisite to gain? Absolutely not. Sometimes it adds to our growth and comprehension of a particular situation, but that doesn't mean we can't learn without it. Pain won't necessarily solve anything or everything, suffering is not the solution...because sometimes we seem to think that if we go through a bit of hell, everything will be better. As a general rule, it won't. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and deal, but causing ourselves agony is never much use in life. If there's anything I've learned about life, that's one of the most important things right there.
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