Change

Something has to change. I know it. I know I can't keep going like this. I need to do something, make sense of something, figure something out. I don't even know what it is, but I need to change something. I also think that about half of the words in those past couple of sentences were "something," but that's alright...I don't really care right now.

I need to make sense of wherever the hell I am in my life right now. I need to take some time, and step back, and figure it all out so that I can stop messing it all up. But I know perfectly well that I don't really have that kind of time, not right now, not ever. So I have to make the best of what I do have...which is now.

The problem is that I can't think straight. I'm sitting here, trying to make sense of something, anything, and none of it is coming together in the least. I keep messing things up in my life and ruining the opportunities I get. So how do I stop that? How do I make it all work again? I wish I had half a clue.

Because I tried to change something today, to make some sense of it all. And it still didn't come together. No matter how hard I tried, I'm still left here to ponder where I went wrong, why it doesn't work anyway. And I know that this is an absolutely terrible blog post, but I really don't care right now. I hope yesterday's was decent enough to make up for it, because I still largely feel that way, and I literally can't think of anything else to write right now...hell, I don't even have a reasonable conclusion to add right here, but whatever, it doesn't matter anyway.